I hadn’t heard of Matt Rife until a few days ago, he’s absolutely not in my algorithm. The only straight men allowed there are Turkish men cradling cats, or balding middle aged comics talking about how their only joy is a very specific type of sourdough bread.
I heard that he’d done a domestic violence joke in his set, and then posted an apology - which was a link to a helmet store for people with special needs. You can guess the kind of moral panic that ensued. But lets face it, that was a pretty awesome publicity stunt if this hairy lesbian stayed up until 6am watching YouTube clips about him, including one by a cosmetic dentist about how he doesn’t have enough veneers.
Spoiler alert: I thought this special was pretty bad, but also it doesn’t do him justice. Matt is really good at crowd-work, he has real empathy and connection with his audience. Also in his earlier specials, he is quite authentic when he talks about himself.
Domestic violence is very serious and sad, but I do believe anything can be funny in the right hands. So I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. So behold, here are my impartial as possible notes for Matt Rife’s latest Netflix special - Natural Selection.
Hopefully you are “fun enough” to see this as satire. I don’t begrudge Matt any of his well earned success.
Thanks to Forever Dreaming for this transcript.
I wish my grandpa could see this. He, um... I... I... I always wanted to bring him here to visit. You know, he knew how much I loved D.C.,and he... he...he loved Maryland.It was like his favourite state, which…
Why do you mention your grandpa here? You don’t mention him again? Is this to show you as a sympathetic person? Edit out Grandpa if he’s not part of the joke.
Well, wh...Well, which, you know,is... is a valid response unless you've been to Baltimore,because it too... [breathes sharply] [sneeringly] What the f*ck is going on in Baltimore, dude? [inhales] Mar... Bro, Maryland as a state cannot pick a tone, dawg. Just pick one...It's so beautiful and so ratchet for no reason. [audience laughing] Can y'all just pick a tone, man? All of Maryland. Y'all drive to the beach with your top down and then go to Baltimore and lock all your doors. You know, no middle ground ever, man.
That’s the joke? Maryland top down, Baltimore lock the doors? I think you need a better heading for this joke so you can decide what the funny part is.
At the moment your heading seems to be “Maryland has a nice part and a rough part” but you don’t go any further into the joke. I get it’s nice for your audience to woop about the state next to them - but that’s called “clapture”.
They’re cheering with agreement, not hilarity. The joke needs more work - it’s just a setup. You need some specific examples and act outs to make this a fully explored idea. Try writing some lists about specific things about Baltimore and Maryland.
It’s good to write jokes that are local to the city that you are in but make them deep observations, not just something any tourist would notice.
I’ve only been to Baltimore one time.
The way these bits are all tacked together means none if it feels true. Believability + Surprise = Comedy.
I ate lunch there, and the hostess, who seats you at the restaurant, had a black eye. [audience laughing] A full black... It wasn't like, "What happened?" I... It was pretty obvious what happened.
Was it though? I got a black eye from a bike accident. Assuming domestic abuse because you’re in a “ratchet” area says more about you. You’re showing no empathy towards the waitress here which is making me dislike you - you show a little later; you should show it here. Anyway this whole story sounds fake so I’ve lost interest anyway.
We couldn't get over the fact, "This is the face of the company?" Like, "This is... This is who you have greeting people?"
I like the premise of “is this who you have greeting people.” This could be a decent joke if you stuck to this premise. “Who is it they have at the back?”
Try this:
I ate lunch there, and the hostess “Maria”, who seats you at the restaurant, had a black eye. And because I’m like this LA TikTok little bitch - I just assume she’s being domestically violated. Like I’m imagining it’s “where’s my crack money - bitch? Bam!”. If we were in a restaurant in LA and I saw a woman with a black eye I’d be like “improper monocle fitting, been there”. And then I think if they have ol’ black eye McGee at the front, imagine who’s at the back? There’s a girl with an axe in her head, a guy with tyre prints over his face “(reversing)beep! beep! beep! Oh shit!” …"Yeah Maria, I know your drug addict boyfriend beat the shit out of you in your trailer, but you’ve gotta work out front today - its a bad scene back there.” Wow what is wrong with me? I’m sorry guys - I only recently got hot, I used to be an incel - I’m still angry at women, I’m trying to get better - I read “The feminine mystique”, well I skimmed it, well I have it on my wish list. I… I’m trying.
And my boy, who I was with was like, "Yeah, I feel bad for her." "I feel like they should, you know, put her in the kitchen or something... where nobody has to see her face, you know." And I was like, "Yeah, but I feel like if she could cook, she wouldn't have that black eye."
What an incredibly long walk to tell a fake story just so you can do a baggy version of a typical 1960s domestic violence joke.
Testing the water, seeing if y'all are gonna be fun or not. - Just wanted to see. - [whistling] Just wanted to see. [chuckles, inhales] I figure if we start with domestic violence, the rest of the show should be... should be pretty smooth sailing after that.
Oh embarrassing! I guess I am no fun at all because I like well-written material, devo!
of course, I felt bad for her, man. She should've had her protection crystals, you know what I mean?
Wut?? Where the hell did crystals come from in relation to this woman? Don’t need this kind of structure. It’s inauthentic.
Fellas, we gotta put our foot down, man. This crystal sh*t is getting out of control. Ladies, put the f*ck' pebbles down, okay? We are sick and tired of walking into your bedroom looking like we gotta beat you in a game of mancala before we can sleep with you.
Hey fellas! ALL FELLAS. What’s up with ALL WOMEN ALWAYS HAVING CRYSTALS? Why are you doing such a dated comedy structure? You’re like Slim Shady doing Seinfeld. You could be such a great comedian if you became self-aware of how ridiculous you are! You are so vain, you’re so desperate to be cool and accepted. You could be amazing if you were vulnerable. I mean you are hot. But also your face looks like when you’re making an avatar in a computer game and for fun you turn all the settings up to 100%. I would advise you to write from your own point of view rather than some commenting on something everyone can tell is fake.
I like the Mancala line but I had to look it up. If I’m thinking I’m not laughing.
What is this joke really about? Maybe it’s an LA thing but I hardly ever encounter crystal girls and if I do they’re pretty self-deprecating about it. If you met someone like that then show don’t tell. Do a funny act out of a very specific type of crystal girl.
What the f*ck is all this gravel doing inside, Thanos?
I had to look up Thanos, but I like the specificity.
I swear, the biggest issue with crystal girls is the fact it's their entire personality.
We can all agree this this the issue with this fabricated type of person.
…and they won't shut up about it. I mean, you even, God forbid, bring it up mid-conversation. [mimicking woman] Aw! This is my favourite one. This is, um... This is a piece of green Peruvian jade, and it provides me with, like, strength and... and... and protection and... and... and...
Wow you really gave up on this act-out. This doesn’t feel real. You need so much more specificity.
and no, it doesn't. [audience laughing] No, it's not, okay. That's a broken shard of a Heineken bottle that you... [laughs]...that you bought from a white dude with dreadlocks, who also runs a throat goat yoga class. Okay? Say what it really is, some bullshit. The only thing it's protecting is me from dating another girl who's p*ssy tastes like kombucha.
We get it, you recently became hot and you’re not over your hatred of the women that wouldn’t sleep with you. It’s like you need to go to an INCEL rehabilitation centre. Wouldn’t that be a funnier thing to write about?
OK That’s it for my notes and I think we’re 3 minutes into this special. If you enjoyed this and/or you want more beginner’s notes on “professional” comedy specials - please comment below. Or you just want to troll me because you’re not fun - go ahead. Peace out dawgs!
*quietly continues enjoying my crystals*
if matt rife could identify that he’s on the wrong side of these opinions, he could have his cake and eat it too. which you demonstrated with the punch ups! thanks for the insight!