Although I’m semi-retired from stand-up, I absolutely love performing new material when I have it. The thrill of landing a new bit is still exhilarating. It’s just my will to perform it another five zillion times that’s waned over the years.
I’m on holiday in Italy with my mum 💅, which has given me a fresh perspective and some fresh ideas. I’ve written a few funny things down, and I’ll show you how I use techniques from this very Substack to turn ideas in to stage material.
Here’s idea #1, which is a real thing that happened:
I was in an Italian cafe where they don’t speak English. I wanted some bread so I looked it up on Google Translate and I’d accidentality written BREED and didn’t realise. So I basically kept asking the waitress for BREED and when she seemed confused I showed her my phone like “See?”
What’s the funny part?
I will never stop banging on about this: When you know exactly and precisely what makes a premise funny, the rest will fall in to place.
Giving your joke a clear “heading” can help you decide what the joke is about:
Knowing what you don't want the joke to be about can be a good start. My spidey sense tells me this could easily be a joke about “I made a fool of myself by speaking a foreign language wrong”. Just like in improv “game” theory, games(jokes) are usually only fun if they are based on personal choice or belief, and not just based on a mistake. Things that are outside of your control are more difficult to “heighten”(tag) because they are not emotional they are just… unfortunate. Now every comedic idea can be made great, these are just basic guidelines.
Speaking a language badly can be funny, but to me it can’t be the whole joke, because that’s an easy joke that’s been done before.
As comedy is all about surprise, it might not be a bad idea to make the audience think it’s going to be a hacky bad translation joke and then take a sharp left turn. The ol’ switcheroo!
Some heading ideas for this joke:
I spoke Italian badly and now I’m on a sex offenders register
How did I meet my wife? Funny story. I tried to order bread at her restaurant and now we’re expecting out 3rd child
Will nobody in this restaurant BREED WITH ME??
(workshopping headings for your joke is really fun and very useful)
What’s the emotion of this joke?
At first look we could say the emotions are Embarrassing, humiliating. Classics.
But that’s a bit on the nose isn’t it? Good comedy shoots at it’s target off-centre.
What’s funny about this joke is not just that I misspoke, and potentially asked a stranger for sex. It’s the specific language that was pompous, and I’d doubled down in my incorrectness. This joke is about doubling down when you are wrong. Now that’s a spicy meatball!
Of course I didn’t mean to double down, I was just mistaken. But that’s what struck me as funny about this moment, and that’s why I wrote it in down in notepad.doc.
So the emotional core is also Pride, stubbornness, insecurity
Workshop the idea with a friend
I’m lucky to have a friend who is both hilarious and Italian, so I ran the idea past her. Not only to get some funny insight, but also to make sure it isn’t a total shit-show in Italian. Although I’d rather it be funny than give me Duolingo XP. Thanks to Matilde Keizer for the workshopping.
Here is the first draft of the joke I am writing.
I was in a restaurant in Italy, I travel. None of the wait staff speak in this place speak English. I know, what a dump! Or how authentic? Anyway I’m using Google Translate to try and order bread. Long story short… check your English spelling before you Google Translate or instead of BREAD you might just ask a random waitress to BREED. When she looked confused I showed her my phone like “You see, BREED. I WOULD LIKE TO BREED” in case my pronunciation was wrong. At this point I realised my mistake, but I didn’t want to look like a BI-ATCH so I double down. “If she shall not? Who among you shall bear me an heir!? Must my lineage end here on this day?”
I find the beginning of this joke has a lot of dead air. It’s a little funny about a place being authentic or not for speaking English - but it doesn’t serve the heading. I think I’d make it punchier. It’s not even relevant to the joke what country I was in.
Attempt #2
When you’re using Google Translate in a foreign country, do yourself a favour - Make sure you got the English part right. Or you might end up, emphatically asking an Italian waitress to BREED. She looked so confused, and I thought “That must be my poor pronunciation - how gauche” so I showed her the word on my phone, the Italian word for BREED. By this point I of course realised my mistake. A mealy-mouthed person might have chucked and corrected their mistake, but I ain’t no bi-atch, so I doubled-down “I demand to breed with this woman! My own wife has born me only girls. If she shall not? Who among you shall bear me an heir!? Must my lineage end here on this day? Oh cruel fate!”
There’s something still clunky here in that you wouldn’t ask someone for ”breed” you’d ask them to breed. There’s still some work to be done here. I will follow up this article with recorded material.
Shows Berlin
Wed 19.06.24 @ 9.30pm - The Improvised Stand-Up Show - Link
Thu 20.06.24 @ 9.30pm - Action Jackson perform an Armando - Link
Fri 21.06.24 @ 9.30pm - Roadkill perform a road trip - Link
11pm - No Joke new material night. See me perform this bit! - Link
Teaching Plugs Berlin
I do 1 on 1 classes and coaching sessions for stand-up comedians - Email
My Spring In-person Stand-up classes are sold out but join a waiting list here - Link
World Wide Web Plugs
Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com
Linktree - carolineclifford.com
dear caroline,
another banger! love this peace! i love it so much i'm going to put a misspelling in each line i write here (as an homage to your bad translation joke).
this is great feud for thought: "workshopping headings for your joke is really fun and very useful"
this is a very funny sing you have written here: "How did I meet my wife? Funny story. I tried to order bread at her restaurant and now we’re expecting out 3rd child"
this sentence is delightful a swell: "I’m lucky to have a friend who is both hilarious and Italian"
and this won two: "Must my lineage end here on this day"
sincerely, one of my favorite parts of creating a standup comedy all-bum is naming the tracks, but i've never thought extensively about naming them in advance in the form of headings.
thanQ!
myq