How to be self-deprecating without making everyone sad

You can hate yourself, but make it hilarious!

This is a re-re-rewrite because I’m bike-packing around Sweden and Norway, and boy is my arse tired! I’m stacking about it and you can read the first post here:

Crows stole our ramen

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Lots of comedians self-deprecate. Like it or hate it it's a good way to tell the audience — I can laugh at myself, so you can laugh at me. It also serves a functional purpose because, if you set up who you are (preferably at the top of your set) then you have created the framework for the entire rest of your material. You’ve set the boundaries for what is and isn’t going to be funny. You’ll get extra laughs from being relatable and the audience going “Oh that’s so you”.

This next song is about how I have a small penis and no friends

There’s also a practical use to self-deprecating. If you don’t set up (for example) that you’re gay at the top of your set, then your gay jokes are going to have a very different ring. If you don’t tell people you have a speech impediment, they might just think you’re nervous. “If I’m thinking I’m not laughing” applies to the way you look and present too.

That’s not to say you should constantly self-deprecate. Putting yourself down too much can create a negative stink in the room, just like in any conversation. It’s funny for a while but then people might start to feel sorry for you. Even worse they might start to go awwww. As irritating as that is, don’t get annoyed at an audience for aww-ing, it indicates that your joke needs work. It’s *never* the audiences fault if they didn’t laugh in the right place.

Like any stage performance, you have to be in control of the energy you are putting out into the audience. In my opinion if you are to self-deprecate, it’s best to be so ridiculously specific and imaginative that there’s no chance in creating a sad.

I’ve been single for ages. One night I got so lonely a cat crawled out of my vagina.

Me (not single any more, sorry ladies!)

I didn’t even make a pussy joke

Hannah Gadsby has sworn off self-deprecation all together:

I have built a career out of self-deprecating humor and I don’t want to do that anymore. Do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? It’s not humility, its humiliation. I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission to speak, and I simply will not do that anymore, not to myself or anybody who identifies with me. If that means that my comedy career is over, then, so be it.

Hannah Gadsby - Career very much still going.

Don’t be a minority hack

Do be aware of hack pitfalls when writing self-deprecating jokes: prejudice and punching down still exists even when you are a member of that group.

Does it matter if comedy punches up or down?

I live in Berlin and there was this whole war right? I’m Jewish, and I notice a lot of other Jewish comedians are eager to bring up this very topical subject.

Don’t mention John Clees’s political inclination

I can’t speak for other Jews living in Berlin, but I think about “the war” almost never. Only when I hear hacky jokes about it at a comedy show. So it would be pretty inauthentic for me to dedicate half my set to it. Think about how much your otherness is really a part of your life, or are you just bringing it up because you think it might get you naughty points?

When targeting your own group, you should still ask yourself “would a bigot laugh as hard/more at this joke than the group it targets”. Write about your “otherness”, obviously, but not in such a way that you’re just regurgitating ugly stereotypes. Not to mention that broad stereotypes are unoriginal, you didn't even think of them. If you are a member of that group, then you can give us a deeper, more twisted form of prejudice than just a regular bigot! Acknowledge the ugly stereotype, sure. But don’t just leave it at that or you are just being a hack.

This exercise will help you write creative self-deprecation material.

Self-deprecation Exercise