How to get gigs

Try not to be a delusional maniac

The first gig I ever did was at the Edinburgh Festival. It was the graduation show of “Absolute & Almost Beginners” comedy class with Logan Murray. I had an enormous 1 gig under my belt, and I was already strutting around the mother-flipping Edinburgh Fringe Festival demanding open spots off people like I was Joan Rivers. The jokes on you though because a man with no front teeth gave me a spot declaring “We need one of you(a woman)”.

I get it, we all just want to be loved and admired - preferably by strangers because that’s more difficult. But please don’t be like me, have patience and at least pretend you don’t have a huge ego. I burnt out and ended up having a shit time in the London scene, you can read more about that here:

Making a comedian, building a scene

I used to co-produce a very popular comedy show in Berlin - We Are Not Gemused. And as a result I’ve remained on some kind of list of people you should email for a gig, and it really pisses me off. It pisses me off because here’s someone who wants something from you, and they couldn’t put in the minimal amount of effort to see the show ended in 2020. Grr!

I used to love making the artwork - gemused.com

I now run mostly improv and thematic shows, and I periodically get DMs from stand-up dudes asking for a spot? At our all-female improv show? You suck.

Even when I was still running the comedy show, people would send me these 3 page comedy CVs full of bullshit that they had obviously copy and pasted to every show in town.

You have to get a hold of yourself and assess the reality of the situation. People don’t know you at all. Nobody likes DMs from strangers even if they’ve asked for them so the least you can do is read the show description! Be polite and don’t act like you’re special. Oh you’re funny? Wow what an incredible unique selling point! Just be normal and ask for a gig like everyone else. People want to work with low-maintenance nice people, not deluded maniacs.

Be so good they can’t ignore you
- Steve Martin

What if I’m honestly good enough for a paid spot?

If you are a local comic already doing open mics at a venue that offers paid gigs, patience is the key. Don’t act like you’re entitled to a paid gig. It’s only the bookers reality that’s important in this scenario, not yours. If you haven’t impressed them yet then vow to smash it at the next gig you perform there. I can’t stress this enough, stand-ups are a renewable resource and bookers will always want to work with someone cool to be around, rather than a whining tool.

I asked some bookers around town how unknown comedians can get paid gigs at their shows. Kat Nip from Queen Bees Comedy says:

A good pitch email will include a concise spiel about you, any recognised show or TV credits, and a link to your website and/or socials. We make our decisions based primarily on the video though, ideally a link to an unedited set of minimum 5 minutes, as we all know self-written bios can be full of shit!

Remember always to check a shows acceptance policy before emailing them videos or anything.

Dharmander Singh from Cosmic Comedy says:

The application process for the showcase shows is either they smash it at the open mics and then get asked to do a paid 5 at the showcase. If they smash that a few times then they progress to paid 7 and so on.

If I don't know an act, then they need to send a recent set that is actually audible and viewable. Shitty vision on a clip or audio will he switched off after 10 seconds and not watched. A full set also is required not just a link to a clip on tiktok or Instagram .

As for the open mics we try to give priority to new acts. Due to massive demand for spots, acts can sometimes be overlooked. If acts feel this is happening to them then they just have to send me a personal message.

So as you can see, a good video is the key to getting a paid spot sight unseen, and less is more with the spiel.

How to get gigs

1. Research the show you want to perform at and apply for a gig exactly as they specify
   Even if you found out about the gig from one of these “every gig in town 4 years ago” excel spreadsheets, don’t just go down the list and blanket send the same dumb email with your really bad comedy CV to everyone on the list. There’s a person at the end of that email, remember that. Look up the show, they probably have an Instagram or something that says exactly how to sign up, and what they expect. Just do the thing they want and don’t be extra.

2. Don’t badger people if they don’t get back to you
   These people get a lot of emails so wait a respectable amount of time before you follow up.

3. Nobody cares that you’re from a big city
   There are tragically bad comedians all over the world. Don’t think you’re going to get gigs just because you’re from New York, London or LA, that’s really condescending. If you have some real credentials that’s different. In all honesty most comedy scenes enjoy having a bit of fresh blood so lean on that, just don’t act like you better than us because you ain’t Mr. fancy-pants big city!

4. Don’t ask people to suggest places you could perform at
   Why would they do that? I know I’m sounding cranky here but why would someone want to help you if they don’t know you and there’s nothing in it for them? Do your own research ya lazy bum!

5. Be patient and kind
   People will book you when they’ve seen you and they like you. Wait your turn to get on people’s shows, do a great job, be nice and you’ll soon make a name for yourself.

6. Be humble and realistic
   If you have to ask for gigs then you aren’t good yet, sorry! See above.

Drop these things from your comedy CV

Hopefully these tips will help you cut the bullshit from your spiel. And as Kat says only the video and real accolades are meaningful to bookers, so here’s why you should drop the rest.

1. Listing shows you’ve done that anyone could do

   Oh you’re a comedian, that has performed at venues? Wow! Most venues don’t mean anything to people unless they are legitimately impressive, and even then don’t put them down if you just did an open spot there.
   This includes things like Festivals, even Edinburgh - anyone can apply to put on a show at a festival. It proves absolutely nothing other than you have money.

2. Mediocre competition accolades
   Nobody cares that you Beat the Frog at the Finchley Cum-Shed. Just put down competition wins/finals on nationally recognised competitions.

3. Quotes and testimonials
   It’s stuck in my mind that a British comedian I knew had a quote from Frank Skinner saying “Jokes fall out of him like marbles from a split sack”, which is far more eloquent than anything said comdian ever said. Quotes are totally meaningless, and usually taken out of context. Testimonials? We’ve all been on Amazon, people are unhinged. None of that prooves you are funny.

4. Reviews from publications nobody has heard of or that were for something else
   Wow did you get 3 stars from MyReview.pub.gov.uk that’s… you shoud have got more stars.

5. Saying you performed with a famous comic
   If you were doing a show and some famous guy did a drop-in, don’t put you were his opening act on your CV, you lunatic!