Reader's Notes - Bianca's internet tabs

Bianca has a lot of open internet tabs, but what's she really trying to say?

NADIA BORMOTOVA / GETTY IMAGES

Thanks to paid subscriber Bianca for sending in her comedy for judgement *bell tolls*.
Please note, this set was originally in German and she translated it for you, not me - I speak fluent German 🤪

Because I’m a people-pleaser, I feel the need to reiterate every time I give notes that this is just my opinion. I have my own tastes and way of seeing the world. I’d love to hear your own feedback in the comments.

Bianca’s material is in the blockquotes.

After my notes I will try and re-write some of the material, I hope you think it’s an improvement.

Now I want to talk about a thing, where you just don’t think it could ever happen to you, it only happens to others. And then bämmm...your life changes right there. They’re gone. forever…(devastated)

all your left-open Internet-tabs...

There’s my whole life gone. My brain and Knowledge.

Yes I trust, that my opened tabs are always there. Bc I trust in the world. (fake-look) No, I don’t- But I might need my internet-tabs.  I will!!

Sorry, geek here. All the websites you ever looked at are in your history. If I’m thinking I’m not laughing. 😬 Jokes have to be believable to work well.

And then theres the other people. The ones who  neatly close their tabs after using. Not leaving a trace…Who does that? (looking to the audience)- mass murderers! Thats who!

I prefer this bit, this is more emotional, and I like the exaggeration. Comparing yourself to other people, assuming their life is perfect and yours is spiralling in to a vortex of piss and shit is certainly something I can get behind. Bianca says she gets the first big laugh for “serial killer”. This is because bitterness is an emotion we can all relate to. If this bit is working then Bianca should focus the joke around this core.

• I am dog-shit and my life is out of control

• Other people are perfect little angels with neat little systems

  • Serial killers are also neat freaks with neat systems

We’ll come back to this…

The ones with the perfect filing system and bookmarks. Bookmarks!

Seriously? I don’t even know what they are! I mean I know the allegedly exist. 

There’s this yellow star and you’ve ‘bookmarked’ a website. Whatever that means. And then what? Noone knows.

Firstly, of course you know what bookmarks are, silly!
Secondly, as a comedian you can never not know stuff, you have to give your best guess even (and especially) if it’s really stupid. “How do you even bookmark a website? I can never get the expired train ticket to stay” (groan)

I think my system works, bc the other day, I was looking for this one recipe for fudgy brownies, I used 3 years ago. Google can’t help me with this, it doesn’t have that knowledge. 

So I’m browsing through all my left opened tabs. Which are over 200 as it turns out. On my way, 42 youtube videos are starting with workouts I’m sure gonna be doing one day. A website starts playing violin music by itself- and noone knows where to turn that off. what sick bastards did that? - and as it turns out I just have joined  illegal poker games on the dark web – where I’ve gone all in, loosing lots of money to cryptocurrency. Whatever the fuck that is.

I want back my 32 volumes of the encylopedia. Left them open at E- emotional scarring – left it open, stayed open. Simpler times.

This is my favourite bit. I love the idea of reading through your tabs and seeing all the people you used to be (last week). All of the hobbies you started and stopped. I like the detail of the website playing violin.
Spend more time with this bit and add even more detail.

Bookmarks! Honestly? I think they are a Hoax. An Invention of the coca Cola company. Or Bill Gates or something.

No you don’t ;)

This is one of these bits where there’s something really relatable and emotional underneath, but Bianca’s tried to add a structure of “open tabs” to it to make it more zingy. I don’t really care about internet tabs being open, it’s a bit of a “pineapple on pizza” topic. EG we’re supposed to have an opinion on it but it’s just not important, say compared to the ever beating drum of death.

I’m not saying the tabs idea is rubbish, but it’s not the main course, it’s a side dish. It would make a nice tag, in a run of jokes about whatever the real emotional core is, let’s investigate. 🔎

Identify the emotional core of your joke, and write better jokes

I think most of what Bianca has written is very good, she has a great eye for detail, and is good at adding emotion and attitude. it’s just the bits where she’s playing dumb, and are focusing on a *thing* (tabs) instead of the emotions - really take me out of the joke. With just a bit of tweaking, I think I can improve this material.

This is a bit of a brain dump on my part but a good start to making Bianca’s material more focused on the emotions.

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Are you ever surfing the web, chillin in cyberspace, Speeding on the information superhighway - with your 217 open tabs - there’s a MIDI rendition of “Green Sleeves” playing from one of them, what sick bastard did that? but now you’ve grown to like it (sing a bit of it).
And you think, fuck this clutter! “Today’s the day! Today’s the day become the person I always wanted to be! I’m going to start meditating, and doing 10 minutes of cleaning every day, and 10 minutes less masturbation. Maybe I can combine the masturbation ad the meditation. Medibation? [could expand on this]… I’m going to meal prep, and drink 2 litres of water with a little squeeze of lemon in it and start jogging - again, and no more phones after bed time, in fact no more phones ever! I’m going to knit on the S-Bahn, I’m going to be more wholesome. I’m going to make my own tacos and swim in cold lakes.
And you know the whole journey starts by closing those tabs.
So you close them one by one.. and you realise fuck! that - you already tried to improve yourself last month it’s all there. The off-brand nutribullet - “Slashy-Cup”, an aborted subscription to Headspace - 75 Euros a year? That’s not very enlightened, there’s at least 7 “10 minute abs” workouts open.
at least 4 tabs dedicated to silent yoga retreats in the Czech republic.
As I close my last tabs at sit staring at the google search bar.. (somehow Green Sleeves is still playing) I think about the futility of trying to improve yourself, you can’t hide from who you really are. I like who I am! I found glasses that suit me!
And… if I’m going to start meal prepping I’m going to need some new Tupperware (mime searching on your computer)

I don’t even wanna be one of those people that neatly closes their tabs they’re not using (cold voice) “this tab has outlived it’s usefulness, it shall be executed”. Cold. What are you hiding Hannibal? Of course you have 57 neat folders of bookmarks - Recipies, Finances, Human anatomy - I see you Zodiac Killer!

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Bianca’s Instagram - Link

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