Self-deprecation Exercise (free!)
The kryptonite of sad is COMEDY GOLD!
Hello. All of my exercises are paywalled, except this one right now! Please enjoy as it’s one of my favourites.
Read this first:
Write a list of things a highly judgemental person would notice about you when you walked in the room. Be specific! We can make this a world where it’s not weird that you’re somehow naked but clothed at the same time.
These should all form a list of at least 10 items. Mine is:
Short, but not petite, egg shaped?
Dykey but not in a sexy way
Tired eyes, massive bags like an old man. Crying out for 40 year old persons big stylish spectacles.
Shit clothes, Decathlon
Droopy boobs, sports bra?
Hairy as it gets
Hasn’t showered in a few days
Weird posture, needs to do yoga
Really spotty bottom
Climber’s feet
Covered in cat hair, and cat bites
Looks like she maybe works out, but also eats too much to be ripped.
Typical British teeth
Why is she injured?
Nail biter to the extreme
I know these kind of seem sad as they stand. It's poignant to note that the authentic core of any self deprecating joke is a little sad. But the kryptonite of sad is COMEDY GOLD!
FYI You can also run this same exercise with “what would a highly judgemental person say about your personality” but one crushing blow to your self esteem at a time ;)
Go through your list items one by one. The first task is just free-form brainstorming, what are any first thoughts?
Then for each item, brainstorm one by one from the sub-topics listed below (with detailed explanations).
Let the ideas flow freely and don't worry about being “off topic”. As I'll always say with these exercises, just free associate. It doesn't matter if they're funny or interesting at this stage.
People
What people real or imagined, specific or unspecific does this trait remind you of? This could be celebrities that share a similar trait, or any kind of archetype.
Uses/Superpower
What could this trait be useful for? If you were a superhero and this was your superpower how could it work?
Object
What object does it remind you of, real or imagined. Metaphorical or literal. Or just any objects that spring to mind.
What magic made it so?
This gift that hath been divinely bestowed upon you, how did it come to be?
Why you’re wrong, and how dare you!
This judgemental spectre is actually full of shit! Here’s why the observation they made is bullshit and actually you’re a beautiful unicorn. Probably they are triggered by your beauty? Get mad at this person actually, how dare they!? Imagine not having this trait, I feel sorry for them. They’re probably jealous.
It might help to make a table. I’ve made a template here.
If an item on your list sparks no joy just move on to the next. If 2 items are similar then merge them. If an item needs splitting up then do that. No need to be strict with the topic ideas, they’re just there to inspire you, if you have blank cells that’s totally normal.
A good way to make self-deprecation lighter, is to imagine this affectation you have as a gift and not a curse. Not as a mere human flaw but a god like super power! Not a bug but a feature! Of course comedy can be sad and dark, but you need to lift people back up again.
Now you have this matrix, see if it inspired you to write any empowering self-deprecation jokes. A classic albeit hack setup is “I know what you’re thinking…” I would warn you away from such a hack setup, but if what follows is something batshit crazy then I’m all in. Don’t be surprised if ideas not at all from the matrix come up. The whole idea of it is to get your brain cells sparking. Let this lead anywhere - I’m not looking for perfectly crafted jokes, we’re still at the unedited stream of consciousness stage.
The whole idea of an exercise like this is just to get your synapses sparking and making connections you wouldn’t otherwise make. It’s to fire up your visual imagination. Don’t feel penned in by the exercise. Just because my topic was about being short and round, maybe it inspired a whole other thing (although in this case it didn’t)
What follows are my results of doing the exercise. I didn’t dedicate that much time to it, but I think I got some nice ideas out of it.
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Many of people call me short, which is crazy and rude and not even true because I’m average size for a woman, I googled it so fuck off. OK I’m short for Finland but freakishly huge in Albania. You know who calls me short? People taller than me. What they should say is “hey, you’re shorter than me”, wow and you’re so good at noticing things, what a great conversation, what other things did you notice today? Dogs are nice you say? Marry me.
I’m short, but I’m not petite. I know this because I wear adults trousers, and children’s tee shirts. My size is “youth large”, my size is “plus sized teen” my size is “fat camp but also gay conversion therapy”. I know I’m not fat but (sing-song) I have low self-esteem! I have a low center of gravity, it’s hard to topple me, but I’m easy to store.
My mum and dad are short, but my older brother is massive. I bet I was an easy birth. They weren’t “push push” rather “pull pull! It’s too soon! Stick a sofa cushion up there!”
I’m a lesbian (hold for applause) But I’m not like the cool ones you see on TV, I’m more like one of the unapproachable ones you see hoarding dumbbells at the womens gym. (perky) “Are you using the 8s?” (me, grumpy) “I still have 2 sets PFFFFFFFEEP” I like to punctuate with a queef, I like to mark my territory at the women’s gym, I like to spray. These are my weights now, I protect them like a dragon protects their eggs, this is my bench, now go on, git! Git outta here! And she scampers away, but she was on the elliptical too long so it’s all (funny act out).
What’s great about being a beta lesbian is I don’t have to shave wax pluck or thread and why the hell should I? Why the hell should you? I get it, nobody wants to eat a pube sandwich. But do you know what? Life is hard, get over it, stop being a baby. Men are like “Actually It’s not sexist because I shave my balls, so it’s not sexist to expect my lady to shave down there” How can you compare what is essentially a sex toy that trims to the violent act of waxing. Waxed your balls recently? Men have a bad habit of equating their 0 hardship to women’s agony “Oh you gave birth? I had a really big poo, sadface”
I have big bags under my eyes, they’re actually pouches where little robins nest… is what I wish were true! Actually, I watched too much of a consumer complaints show called Watchdog when I was a kid and couldn’t sleep because I was scared that a carbon monoxide leak, flood, fire, house invasion, landslide was going to get me. And then to deal with that anxiety in my 20s I ate a barrel full of ecstacy and now I have the eyes of a 53 year old insurance salesman named Michael.
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