Stage craft

How to be a human on stage

Those first few seconds when you enter the stage can be crucial. How can you get the audience on your side, and keep them there?

A very normal and not at all awkward handshake - Photo by Sebastian Herrmann on Unsplash

Start your set with a “handshake”

A ‘handshake’ means to start your set with something you didn’t plan to say, EG It’s not a line from your set. Even if It’s “hello” or “I’m nervous” or whatever, It’s really important to look your audience in the eye and say something that is authentic and real in the moment. Is the mic cable wrapped 99 times around the stand? say “Fuck me I guess!”. Your audience still want to interact with a living breathing human, and not Joke Robot 5000 “ON THE WAY HERE I SAW THE CRAZIEST THING” “RELATIONSHIPS RIGHT? BLEEP BLOOP”.

At the same time don’t talk shit about the show, or say you are going to be bad. That’s just unprofessional.

The 7 deadly cringes of stand-up comedy

Connection with your audience is such an important part of being a comedian, not to mention the crowd just might not be ready yet. They might be still clapping or chatting depending on the quality of the host. So make sure your audience are ready for your set before going ahead. Buy them dinner before you stick it in.

If you can make a joke about something that happened in the show that night there won’t be a dry seat in the house.

Move the mic-stand, hold the mic (correctly)

Don’t keep the mic in the stand unless you need to EG you have an instrument. If it doesn’t add it distracts, and having a big stick in front of your body the whole gig is distracting and awkward. You might want to keep the mic in the stand so you can use your arms more freely, don’t. You want your be active on stage and a mic stand will root your in place.

This is what I see when you keep the mic in the stand

Let your body lead the way in figuring out your performance style over time. Deciding on your shtick too soon can be a prison.

Drop the act and be yourself (+ 10%)

Hold the microphone close to your mouth and speak slightly above it, rather than directly into it, to avoid muffled and booming audio.

When you practice at home, practice with a “mic” even if it’s a carrot or a dildo or whatever.

The light

Acknowledge the light

Most show producers will give you a light when you have one minute remaining. This usually means enthusiastically waving a mobile phone at you. Acknowledge the light with a cool nod, so the producer doesn’t think they’re in a reboot of The Sixth Sense.

Don’t run the light

Having one minute left doesn’t mean cramming 3 minutes of material into one minute, you will sound deranged. It means find a good place to stop. Remember this is probably the only bit of power the show producer has in their sad lives, so don’t run the light or they’ll probably hold a grudge against you and put you on their murder board.

Talk to the audience like they are your friends

See the audience as a single organism that is a close friend of yours with lots of eyes. Make eye contact with every part of the room to make them feel included.

Drop the useless cheerleading

Never ask the audience questions if you don’t care about the answer. I know it might seem like you’re getting the energy up, but do that with jokes and charisma. It’s annoying to be made to cheer or answer questions for no reason. I know you think your “Who has parents!?” line is so original, but it’s basic and breaks the flow of a set. Please don’t ask them “Do you want to hear material about X or Y?” nobody gives a shit, stop wasting time and do your set.

Imagine you’re talking to your best friend

You love hanging out with your best friend and you can’t wait to share stories with them. You’d never say “Cheer if you like cats!”. You just feel good, and even if things go wrong you know they’ll always be there for you 💕

Be in the moment

There’s an old jazz saying “Play the gig in front of you, not the one in your head”. You might not be at the stage where you have enough material to literally tailor your set to every type of demographic, but feel what your audience is responding to and make changes where you can. This is why it’s good to have a loose feeling about your set rather than know it word for word.

Keep it loose you goose!

React to what’s happening in the room

If you notice someone chatting, or someone breaks a glass, everyone else sure did. Again, you might not have a clutch of zingers ready to go but react authentically in the moment “Gee thanks buddy!” “I’m sorry can you stop talking? I have very low self-esteem”. If you don’t react the distracting event hangs in the air like a stinky fart cloud.

You know these genius comics who have an amazing zinger for every situation? Not geniuses! Someone broke a glass during their set once time, they said “Uh um, glass” and then they thought of a perfect come-back on the bus on the way home. They got to use it at their next gig and so on and so forth. And lo “That was a big contact lens!” was born.

I’ve been Pete, you’ve been a great audience, don’t forget to tip your waitress… and I guess the stage is on fire now

Slow down and let jokes land

Talking too fast is usually a sign of nerves. Breathe and slow down your set. When I was starting out I just had SLOW written on the back of my hand. Especially in larger rooms, it takes a while for the jokes to filter out to the back of the room, so give your audience a chance to laugh. And if they aren’t laughing, you can make fun of yourself “I am pausing for laughter… still pausing”. Never blame the audience for not laughing, it’s like blaming a nail for missing the hammer’s strike.